Outcomes?

I struggled for 30 years in conversations that escalated into full-blown confrontations. How? I did
this by beginning with my opinion and once I formed it, I held steadfast to it. I spent the
remainder of the time defending my opinion and little time solving anything of meaning. My
wife of 34 years will attest to the very frequency of this in our early years of marriage. Truth
told she will read this and wonder if I am there yet, LOL!
Mario detaches from the outcome of most things in his life. Oh, when he wants a new cell
phone, he is very interested in the outcome for himself, but it gets magical when you witness
him not care one bit if someone he knows and loves is late by 2 hours for his birthday. There I
am, looking at my watch while he is busy hugging this family member as if they were right on
time. When we attach value to the expectations of someone or something. It is the only time
our feelings are hurt. Are you still not convinced? Watch a Tuesday night basketball game
between Harvard University and Yale University and you probably will channel surf right past
this on T.V., that is if you are not personally connected. Now, If you are a betting man and have
$200 dollars on this very game you are beside yourself on every trip up the court. Why? Simply,
you have assigned an outcome that hangs in the balance.
As the American Postal Workers Union Local 170 President, I and my Executive Board had the
opportunity of meeting with senior management monthly. These meetings are appley named
Labor/Management Meetings (LMM). The goal was to discuss, to resolve, a myriad of
challenges any working environment could and would present. We entered these meetings
with a distinct advantage I will share with you now. We knew the “outcome” we wanted on
all the agenda items listed that were emailed to all parties BEFORE the meeting started. The
opposing side invariably was stuck on explaining the problem. See, Mario goes into his day
knowing his outcome. It is peace and harmony. We employed this to the outcome(s) we sought.
We would tie the outcome to a reasonable solution, (peace and harmony) and it was hard for
the opposing side to argue that all three aspirins we presented to the headache they described
were not going to be effective when they were still stuck themselves on the headache. Try it
the next time you have a conversation with your significant other. Instead of same ole, same
ole, try and ask yourself as soon as you can. What is the outcome I want here? Chances are you
will save yourself and your partner a lot of head and heart ache by employing this skill.

Pattern # 2=Outcomes!